


Say Goodbye to Yesterday

by oyakodon



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Noctis Lucis Caelum, Hurt no real comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Noct uses Umbras powers to go further back, Noctis centric, Relationship Study, Sort Of, The Beauty of Tenebrae, Time Travel, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-21 13:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18703522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyakodon/pseuds/oyakodon
Summary: Noctis remembers his time in Tenebrae. It was there Dad and Luna pulled him out of his depressed mind, it was them who’d helped him out of the wheelchair. Who’d given him the courage to walk again. And that wasn’t the last they’d done for him.But what has he ever done for them?After the events in Altissia, Noctis seeks comfort in the past. Meeting his loved ones one more time doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, though.





	Say Goodbye to Yesterday

_Just one day. Please, give me just one day to see them again._

 

He’s that boy again, aching body slumped over in a wheelchair and mind paralyzed with childhood trauma.

Right here and now, though, he doesn’t find any reason to care. Why should he when Dad is right behind him, pushing him forward, and Luna at his side, keeping pace companionably. Well, there are Clarus, Gentiana, and a dozen guards and retainers accompanying them, but the only people he cares about at that moment are Luna and Dad.

“So, where is this special place you are taking us, dear Lunafreya?” Dad asks, voice playful. He seems to enjoy the mystery. Noctis likes that carefree ring to his voice.

“Please bear with me a little longer, Your Majesty,” Luna replies and then looks down at Noctis. “I do want this to be a surprise for Prince Noctis.” She beams at him, her eyes crinkling when they meet his. The smile warms his heart, before it freezes it over. ( _“She has passed.”)_

The meandering path leading away from the manor starts to become bumpy until Noctis feels every bounce and rattle in his bones. By the point it becomes too rocky for Dad to safely maneuver the wheelchair, he stops and scoops Noctis up in his arms.

“Up you go!” says Dad.

The wheelchair is entrusted to one of the guards as Dad begins to carry him on the more difficult parts of the path. His arms are strong, as if carrying Noctis around is the easiest thing in Eos. And maybe it is—Dad isn’t old and frail here, and Noctis is just a scrawny eight-year-old boy. Burrowing his face into Dad’s neck, he savors the strange sense of being Dad’s little boy again, of feeling both safe and vulnerable at the same time.  _(“The king was found dead.”)_

Dad smells of citrus shaving gel and crystal magic.

“Shall we continue on?” Luna asks, prompting everyone to move.

As the manor becomes smaller behind them, the vibrant Tenebraen greenery takes its place. They are traversing through a kingdom where the calls of birds and the distant growl of beasts is ever-present; where Dad needs to clamber over tree roots from which gigantic oaks shoot up high into the sky, higher than any tree in Lucis. Basked in the blinding mid-morning sunlight, it’s as if life is pulsating through this wood. A sad surge of wonder fills him. This Tenebrae of the past is full of life and light.  _(“Darkness is coming.”)_

Noctis’s eyes land on a bush of berries. Kind, attentive Luna takes notice and halts at the bush. That makes Dad stop in his tracks too.

“These are Ulwaat berries,” Luna explains. “Do you remember yesterday’s pastry, Noctis? Ulwaat berries are an essential ingredient in Tenebraen cuisine.

“…’thought they only grow in Ulwaat,” he hears himself murmur.

Inwardly, he curses. Just why can’t he voice what he really wants to say? _I wanted to meet you so bad. Both of you. Please, please don’t leave me again._ But it’s as if his mind is trapped in this eight-year-old body of his, with no way to convey what he needs them to know.

When Luna answers, it’s not to these unheard thoughts, of course. “Yes, their origin lies in Ulwaat. But the birds have carried them this far, and even farther.” She reaches down to the bush and picks a juicy-looking berry, holding it out to him. “They are safe to consume like this. Here, have a taste.”

Her skin is warm when their fingers brush. The rich and sour taste against his tongue makes Noctis’s body tingle—the sensation grounds him, refreshes him. But it doesn’t help the despair.

Luna plucks some more berries and deposits them in his hand. He shares them with Dad on the way down the trail. “The taste of Tenebrae,” Dad comments as he hums with relish.

It’s the roar of water that soon grabs his attention. A small waterfall, cascading into a pond with glistering green water greets them. He can _smell_ the water in the air.

As they approach the pond, Dad oh-so-carefully lowers him back down on to the wheelchair. Luna comes over, holding something in her hands. He catches a glimpse; it’s a fishing rod.

“It would be lovely if I could watch you fishing once,” Luna says. “Ever since you told me about it, I wanted to see.” There’s youthful excitement in her eyes and it makes something inside him churn painfully. He feels like crying, but he _can’t_.  _(All I wanted was to save you.)_

“What a fine idea, Lunafreya,” says Dad.

Dad pushes Noctis further toward the water’s edge and sits down next to him, making himself comfortable right on the moss-covered ground. It’s a pleasant sight. Dad looks so human. It makes Noctis want to fall right back into his arms.

The fish in the water would be another nice sight if Noctis were in the right mind to appreciate it. Still, as if on autopilot, his small amateur hands start to prepare the line. He won’t catch a fish today, that he knows.

But Luna is entranced, nonetheless. Sitting there with her bare feet in the pond, splashing water around and watching the fish, she doesn’t look like the future Oracle, but like the child she is. Unburdened. Alive.

They spend hours like this. By noon, a retainer brings lunch which they enjoy together. Even Clarus joins in. All this makes his stomach feel warm and fuzzy—he’s happy. This day is perfect.

It’s how he knows this isn’t real, that he’s just watching a memory unfold.

After a while, it’s only Luna and him—Dad looms nearby, but has given them some alone time. Luna begins to tell him stories, stories about her, about Ravus—even about Pryna’s adventures: how she’d once stolen Ravus’s training sword for Luna because she’d always wanted one for herself. And soon enough, Noctis—well, his eight-year-old self—tells her tales of his own. About the times Ignis and he sneaked out of the Citadel, about the first time Cor had taken him out fishing, about Dad.

When no fish bites for the umpteenth time, he pulls the line in.

Young Noctis speaks, “Um, Luna?” He’s surprised by how squeaky his voice sounds. “What if…what if I won’t—” But nothing more seems to come out. He doesn’t remember what his kid self even was about to say.

Certainly not what _he_ wants to tell her. Noctis is here but he’s not, and if he can’t speak his thoughts to Luna and Dad, there’s no way of warning them, _saving_ them.

“Shh, worry not,” Luna says and takes his hand in hers. This close, he can make out the fragrant smell of sylleblossoms on her. “Mother will succeed in healing you and you will walk again. I’ve seen her do it many times before. Have faith, Noctis.”

No, he wants to say. That isn’t what he’s worried about, that isn’t what he wants to tell her.

Dad finds them like this, the sunset at his back. The sight of the sun so low in the sky makes Noctis’s heart sink. The day—the one day he received—will be over before long.

“Have you enjoyed today, son?”

Noctis feels himself nod in reply.

 _Please don’t,_ he wants to cry out, _please don’t give your lives for me_ , is what he wants to yell in their faces. _I’m not worth it_.

_I just wanted to save you both._

_I just wanted to meet you again._

_I don’t want to say goodbye._

But the words won’t come. Only one stupid single nod.

Noctis remembers his time in Tenebrae. It was there Dad and Luna pulled him out of his depressed mind, it was them who’d helped him out of the wheelchair. Who’d given him the courage to walk again.

And that wasn’t the last they’d done for him.

What has _he_ ever done for them, though?

He knows the answer. Nothing.

_They are dead. Because of you._

When the sun disappears beyond the tree line, Noctis knows his time is up. He can already see Umbra’s form trotting over and reaches out to pet his soft fur. If he could speak out his thoughts, he’d say, _please give me more time, boy. I’m not ready yet._ _Just one more day, please._

Umbra is licking his hand when he closes his eyes.

 

When he opens his eyes, Umbra is licking his hand.

A stale, stuffy smell permeates his nose that doesn’t compare to the water-saturated air around the waterfall and the sweet smell of Ulwaat berries. The train rattles beneath him. Noctis is back in the cold sleeping compartment. When he looks out the window, it’s dark—of course, it is. When is it not these days?

Finally, the tears come out.

As he sits there slumped over and mind paralyzed with this empty pit of too much loss, he’s still that little boy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! The tags warned about the "no comfort" part, so please don't be mad with me. :') I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> This was written for the "of the night" zine project. It was an amazing experience working on this project with so many talented writers and artists!
> 
> Also, thanks so much to [Kitsune138](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune138/pseuds/Kitsune138) and [Poshu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poshu/pseuds/Poshu) for all the support!  
>    
> [tumblr](https://myoyakodon.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/oyashiran)  
> 


End file.
